Fast Food Friday

It's been a while since we've done this, so here goes...

Since small became the new big at fast food places, restaurants have tried just about anything to get you to grab their small bites.

Jack in the Box entered the market of "small" food earlier this year with its mini sirloin burgers, which I loved (and still order sorta regularly). So, it was a no brainer to try out their mini buffalo ranch chicken sandwiches.

And, well, they're OK. The mini chicken patties aren't as bad as they could be, and the buffalo and ranch provide a different taste ... but something just struck me as they weren't as good as they could have been.

Part of it is the whole sauce issue. If I want buffalo chicken, I want the buffalo sauce on the chicken. And preferably, I'd like the patty lightly tossed in the buffalo sauce (Frank's Red Hot, which they've been using for years) with the ranch placed upon top from there. But being a fast food place, having something tossed would be like asking for a steamed lobster. It's just not going to happen. The likelihood would be better that they would dunk the patty in the sauce and put too much on it.

Besides the buffalo and ranch (which does provide you with a drip hazard), you get lettuce on your mini buns. The whole think adds up to 738 calories according to their Web site's nutrition info. For comparisons sake, their long-time favorite, the spicy chicken sandwich - with cheese - will ding you for 626 calories and the chipotle chicken ciabatta with the spicy crispy patty - with cheese AND bacon - will get you for 704 calories.

Just saw a commercial for the newest product coming from the minds of Carl's Jr. and there's nothing like going right after an icon.

Introducing the Big Carl.

Two all-beef patties, special sauce (Carl's), lettuce and two slices of cheese on a toasted sesame seed bun! No pickles, no onions, no piece of bread in between.

I don't see the need for Carl's to make this kind of move. What's the point? People already love your burgers (the Western is one of the best ever) and the Six-Dollar Burgers are well worth the extra change. I'm assuming that the price is less than McD's, so as to say, hey, we can do your signature better and cheaper than you, with less bread, even.

Even then, it's gonna hit you in the stomach. The Big Carl weighs in at a serving size of 315 grams, and will hit you at 920 calories - a whopping 530 from fat. The Mac, meanwhile, is 214 grams, and only 540 calories, 240 of which is fat.

You know, I'll give just about anything a try in the fast food arena.

But there has been one item that I have looked at at various places and said no way, no how. And I saw it offered at Del Taco for the first time the other day.

A chili cheese fries burrito.

I think I had seen it at Weinerschnitzel before that, and I just get the willies thinking about it. Fries, in a burrito? No thanks.

I know what you're thinking. "But, dude, it's just chili cheese fries in a convenient carrying device." Nope. Just not wrapping my head around it.

Mind you, put those in a tray and I'll eat 'em up. Heck, I liked the Taco Bell beef and potato burrito. And you know how many other places I've had tater tots in breakfast burritos and had no complaints?

Maybe it's just the idea of the texture of fries. They're supposed to have a decent crispy snap to them. And then you wrap them in a flour tortilla?

It must be a rather new thing they're trying out, because there's no nutritional info on their Web site for that bad boy.

Speaking of things I won't even dare try ...

The snack bar at the bowling alley I've been frequenting in Moreno Valley has something called the "Big Bowler" and they put a picture of it up so you don't have to use your imagination.

For $6, they'll give you a pound of meat (I've never been able to count the patties in the picture), five slices of cheese and "mucho veggies" between a bun. Even in their picture, the thing is leaning over from its sheer weight.

The first time I was there, I asked the woman working the counter how many of those things they sold a day? Maybe one I figured. Two tops, right?

"Oh, three or four."

Groan.

I'm assuming they're being shared by the adventurous teen set who come in on dates. But, man, just thinking about it makes my arteries harden.

That's the one form of food self abuse I've never really thrust upon myself - the ridiculously oversized fast food burger. I may have gotten a triple cheeseburger from McDonalds once (and, hey, it was McDonald's). I hear about people going to In n Out and getting a triple-triple or shudder a four-by-four and can't even fathom getting through one of those. The double-double (animal style, hold the dressing, thank you much) is plenty-plenty. And when I'm done with my meal from there, I always want more fries - not burger.

Oh, and speaking of quality you can taste, saw a story recently asking celebrity (and other famous) chefs what their favorite fast food place was ... the winner, In n Out.